-------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Night For Sharing Date: March 2, 2002 Place: Ista Weyr's North Beach Game: PernMUSH Copyright Info: The World of Pern is copyright(c) to Anne McCaffrey l967. The Dragonriders of Pern(r) is a registered copyright. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kassi's Note: Kassima has scarcely seen her eldest child since Kaylira Impressed brown Pheirth at an Ista Hatching--not because Kassi lacks interest in how she fares, but more out of a wish not to get in the way of her new life. With Weyrlinghood well underway, though, the proud mother decides to check up on her daughter at last and deliver a few presents while she's at it. But Kay has other things than gifts on her mind.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Log: You fly to the widest part of the beach and land. <*> Kaylira digs her toes into the sand and drags a shawl about her shoulders. "Well, that was a nice visit, wasn't it?" Not that the brown seems to care if it was or wasnt' nice. His whuffle is sleepy and distracted. <*> And speaking of visits, such as they are--Lysseth descends towards the beach while the echoes of her greeting-bugle to the watchpair still resound, a quick banking and flare of wingsails bringing her to a neat landing half a dragonlength or so from shore. Her rumble of greeting to the young brownpair is pleasant; her rider's is considerably warmer: "Duties t'Ista and her queens--Faranth's shards, Kay, 'tis you and Pheirth? Or someone else entirely? I swear I'd scarce recognize either of you!" You slide off of Lysseth's neck to land beside her easily. She rumbles, cocking her head down at you, and you rub her eyeridges gratefully. Pheirth: Shades of honey warm the hide of this dragonet. At his head, pale wherhide marks the lightest colouring, but for the tip of his muzzle where deepest brown approaches black. Across his back and the bulk of his body, the brown deepens from a rich caramel to heavy molasses on neck ridges, tail, and knee creases, leaving his underbelly only slightly darker than the sunnied tones of his head. Pale tan marks his wingsails, interspaced with a chocolatey definition of fingerbones and faint tracery along the edges. Everything about him bespeaks warmth. Kaylira: Although tall, and bearing the curves correspondant to her age, Kay still carries hints of her tomboy nature. It's in her canted grey eyes, how they peer out of beneath her blue-black curls and carry a smile, or glints of silver when the moment comes upon her. Or how her care isn't for things like the neatness of her clothes, or that her nails may carry a smudge or two of dirt beneath them. Lightly browned, and well toned, she carries herself with a confidence. No girlish squeals or shy facades for Kay! Instead a brightness of eyes and flash of smile that mark her as comfortable with who and what she is. Kay is currently bedecked in black trous and an orange shirt (long sleeved when its cool, short sleeved when its not!).Kay wears an Istan weyrling's knot with a brown thread for her lifemate. Kay looks to be about 20 Turns, 6 months, and 0 days old. Pheirth lifts his head, giving a low rumble of greeting of his own. Eyes whirring with consideration as he checks out the lastest of 'guests'. His curiousity abated, the brown settles back into enjoying the night shore and lapping of water. Kaylira fairly jumps out of her skin trying to get off the ground and offer greetings. "Mum! Lysseth! Its us!" Her laugh is low and bright. "Its been near forever, hasn't it? Hasn't Pheirth grown?" Proudly gesturing to her lifemate. Kassima divests herself of helmet, gloves, and jacket almost at once upon hitting the ground, but hooks her satchel back onto her now-leatherless shoulder; it bulks suspiciously with package-like things. "He has!" the greenrider agrees, just as bright, as she holds out her arms to offer--or ask for--a hug from her daughter. Lyss, meanwhile, has coiled herself comfortably into her patented lounging position. Ah, a beach at last. Don't mind if she makes the most of it while she's here. "Nay even *half* the wee thing he was, anymore; he's bonny and beautiful, and so are you, m'dear. Ista appears t'be suiting you!" Kaylira lets go a happy sigh as her arms fling about her mother. "I love it here! Its.. I feel at home." Not without a tinge of sorrow in her voice - she did live at Telgar for long enough that some of her still remains true to the place. "I can't imagine being anywhere else right now. Even if I miss you. And Lyss. And hte twins. Oh, and just about everyone." "Just the twins? Nay your other siblings? Tam and Khari and Kris and Kiss and Meralla will be *crushed*," Kassi teases as she hugs her daughter tight. The jest is almost more light-voiced than natural, perhaps to cover an internal wince at Kay's first words. "'Tis only natural t'feel at home where you Impressed, kit; you know how I feel about Benden... here, let me get a good look at you." She takes a step back, releasing Kay but leaving her hands resting lightly on the girl's shoulders as she gives her a once-over with a mother's critical eye. "Nay a lass anymore, are you? You're nigh a full rider, and full grown. But I can't tell you how proud I am of you, how proud everyone is of you, how proud your father'd be. Tell me about your lessons? You and Pheirth should be flying now, aye? And how've you been doing under P'tod, and how d'you get along with your Wingmates, and--oh, shards, just tell me *everything*!" Kaylira's head cocks to one side, taking a long, hard look at .. well, not so much her mother anymore. "Its been..hard. Oh, mum, some of the weyrlings.. I got into trouble already over speaking my mind. And, in truth, Tod, er, well, the Weyrlingmaster was right, but I coudl ahve just smacked him for it all. And this isn't making any sense, is it?" A rush of laughter escapes the girl as she tucks curls behind her ears nad gestures to the sands. "Its a bit cool, but I daresay you're decked out enough to manage. And I've plenty of shawl to share." Kassima's smile for her daughter is still a mother's smile, though, just as it always will be: affectionate, proud, and still a bit regretful. "I'll follow your lead, minx; you're the native here now, and know the land best. Just so long as I don't swelter t'death a'fore I can give you your presents." Shifting subjects: "I daresay he *is* right, y'know, but men always seem the most smackable t'me when they're right. Still. I trust you're treating him with the respect due a Weyrlingmaster and all that, since I've nay heard aught about you being assigned extra mucking duties until the end of time? Tell me about the Weyrlings, though. I don't think I know any of 'em m'self, save Tas--T'ao." Kaylira settles back into the slight depression her body had created earlier, patting beside here - there is a great view of the water, and its pleasant enough for biding time. Shawl wrapped about her shoulders again, the young woman gazes out over the night touched water. "Well, I guess the one I've the largest problem with is Echo. And half that is because she's jealous. Or I'm jealous." Head turns to seek out her mother's face. "P'tod you know. I'm totally out of the chain of it on knowing just what her problem is. She just doens't like me. I dont like her all that much. And I think she is trying to make me look bad to him. Its complicated." Kassima sinks easily to a cross-legged seat beside the younger woman, setting her stuffed satchel slightly to the side. Her hands lace themselves loosely together in her lap. "You've still feelings for him?" She keeps her tone on the neutral side of things. "I'd half-hoped... but apart from his being your Weyrlingmaster, and weyrmated, you could set your sights worse places. Echo's the one who has two children by him, isn't she." It's not really a question. Kassi's not that far behind on her Istan gossip. "*That* must make his life terribly interesting--if'n you want m'opinion, I'd guess 'tis a pure rivalry thing; it sounds like it. She sees you as a rival for his affections--after graduation a'course--and mayhaps you view her likewise, so you'd nigh have t'get along like two felines put in the same sack. Likely she'd prefer it if'n P'tod didn't think well of you." Kaylira considers in a long silence. "I don't know. I mean, he's..got his points. But if thats how she feels.." For another moment, the girl is silent - unable to chew upon her shortened curls, she settles for hugging her knees. "I don't need him badly enough to wade through that. I mean, we hadnt' done anything, so there isn't anything to regret or miss. I can cut that loss. I just.. mum, she's opinionated, and rude, and thinks she doesn't need anyone or anything. And I don't care if some of it is because she's pushing folk away before they push her, there's only so much a person can take before they say fine, have it your way." "Aye, and 'twould nay say you're obliged t'be looking after her emotional welfare if'n you don't care for the lass. She's your Wingmate," Kassi grants, slipping half into her Informal Lecture Mode, "and so you have t'respect her and work with her, but you don't have t'befriend her or be close t'her. *Or* let her problems interfere with *your* learning. Accept her faults, try t'work around 'em, and trust your teachers t'be the ones t'pound 'em out of her--that's their job; yours is t'work on your own." A pause, and then she offers a rather wry grin. "Nay that I'm saying you necessarily *have* any--well, aye, I am; nay pair's perfect. But y'know what I mean. What does Pheirth make of all this, and of P'tod, for that matter?" Kaylira grins lopsidedly. "Oh, Pheirth doesn't quite know what to make of this liking other humans thing. He's pretty much more interested in whether or not they think he's a wonderful brown. Or showing how well he can listen and do things." More serious, now, and in lower tones, the girl adds, "I don't trust her, mum. Thats the problem. If push came to shove, I wouldn't want her at my back with my life depending on her. And thats where the real problem lies. She sees me as a rival. I see her as a liability." Kassima responds almost automatically, "A'course he's a wonderful brown; how could he be aught else?" Not that she's biased or anything. Her quick grin subsiding, she descends into a mulling silence for several moments. "That's a problem," she finally agrees. "On her part and yours both. I'truth, she may nay be a very trustworthy person. She may even *be* a liability. That's nay unknown t'happen. But you *can't* afford nay t'trust her as a rider and Wingmate, Kay--y'know that, and if'n you can't trust her as an individual, you have t'trust your Wingleaders--Weyrlingmasters in this case--nay t'let her put any of her Wingmates in danger. That's nay t'say she may nay do so. But what happens in Fall, if'n you're so busy worrying about whether she's doing her job that you don't do yours?" Kaylira shakes her head. "No, no, its not like that. Its, well, she's so..insular. So sure she doesn't need to knwo this stuff because she's been at a weyr.. and she really doesn't like me above all. Said I was ugly and no wonder no boy would want me - in front of the entire class, mum. I just.. I'd be afraid that in FAll, she'd not put that behind her when I most needed her to be my protection. I told P'tod about it a bit. I agree with some of what he said. But part of me still harbours worries." "Then she's a twit," Kassima decides, a bit tartly and nothing like impartially. "Or acting like one, at least. Picking fights in class is an immature thing t'be doing, and if'n 'twere ugly and nay boy or man would want you, then she wouldn't consider you a rival, would she? So she knows better. But I'll tell you a thing about Fall." She leans forward a bit as she speaks, eyes on the dark waves and shoulders slightly hunched. "You can't know until you face it, but in Fall... you'll find out, it doesn't matter if'n someone's your heart's love or worst enemy; you're still all together. 'Tis you against the Thread, and that's all that matters. There's nay place for rivalries in Threaded skies. *After* the Fall, aye, and before it, but during--during, I don't think you'd need t'fear. 'Tis the main reason a Wing can function even if'n none of its members care for each other. Have I ever told you the saying, naught unites like a common enemy?" Kaylira sighs deeply. "Mum, I stood with her in Fall already. She screamed like a wherry and was worse than I was. At least I had sense enough to do something - even if it was only fetch bandages for teh Weyrwoman. Echo shrieked it was going to get her hair. I don't know I can banish that image and her making a fool of me. I don't want to be fighting Thread for real and find out that nothing has changed. Worse yet, what if its me who falls apart and can't forget?" Kassima asks, turning her eyes back to her daughter, "But was that as riders and Wingmates? Impression might have changed her. She'll have her dragon t'bolster her now, and her dragon's health t'worry about if'n she panics. I'm *assuming* she has the brains t'realize all this. If'n nay," and now her voice turns almost clinical, detached, "then she'll be an early casuality, little doubt. But. Mayhaps 'twould help if'n you *don't* think overmuch about her, but trust her *dragon* t'do things right? 'Tisn't as though--what's her blue's name again? 'Tisn't as though he'd refuse t'flame Thread because his rider's afraid. If'n frightened riders made dragons impotent, scarce any Thread would ever be burned... and if'n you fall apart, Kaylira," she goes on quite firmly, "then you're nay the young woman I've always known you t'be, or whom *Pheirth* knows you t'be. And I don't think that's true. Would you really let a patch of Thread get through and put Echo and her dragon in danger just because you don't care for her? You know what Thread can do. *She'd* probably duck, but there could be some innocent groundcrewman below who wouldn't. Or her dragon mightn't." Kaylira shakes her head without a moment's pause or thought. "I've seen threadscore enough to know its not pleasant. But I'd rather take it than let someone under my care be victim. I guess I'll just have to trust and work it out as it comes. Maybe if she doesn't see me as a rival. Or maybe I'm.." The girl's lips purse over a deep frown. "Everything changes, doesn't it? YOu can't just think me and my and I anymore. Those things they just don't tell you. Can't, maybe. I can't imagine letting my fear win. Mum?" Serious eyes gaze upon the older rider, "was that what it was like with us?" Kassima assures in a very quiet voice, "The first time you have a Wingmate die of it, or see someone you know die of it... well, I don't think you could even consider the idea that you might break anymore, if'n you ken." She's looked back towards the sea as she says that, but her eyes return at last; they're dark, solemn, but there's a tiny smile beneath them. "That's what 'tis like with so many things, daughter. 'Tis what 'tis like t'have children, aye; and 'tis what 'tis like t'have Wingmates, and what 'tis like t'ride a dragon and be responsible for *lives*. 'Tis what 'tis like t'be an adult." Kaylira lays her head to her mother's shoulder. "Sometimes I try to remember what it was like to be a child. I don't think I feel so very different. But I do. It scares me sometimes to know that you don't get to change your mind. When Pheirth was a hatchling and so needy.. I thought I'd die for wanting everything to be perfect and okay. And I think about the fact that we're graduating soon and this isn't a game." Softer, "You never really talked about my father much." NOthing more. NOthing less. Just the simple statment and her head resting with the heaviness of the last vestiges of youth fleeing. One of those moments that seem so long, and so entirely inadequately long enough. Kassima brings up an arm to curve around her daughter in a half-hug. "I don't really remember either," she confesses. "You become a different person, methinks. Everyone does... Mum never really accepted that or got used to it, but she never rode. You have t'ride t'understand." Her hair whisks against her back as her head shakes. "Nay game. Never a game... and things are never perfect, Kay. I wish 'twere. But things *can* be all right, even in a world where we have t'grow up and take on the responsibilities of adults." A quiet moment is allowed to pass, to prolong that moment of youth as long as it can be prolonged... but not enough, no. Never enough. "I can speak of him now," she offers softly into the quiet. "Though a'course you know some... but what more would you like t'know?" Kaylira shrugs, suddenly shy. "I don't know. I guess.. maybe just what he was like. What you liked about him. Maybe just enough to sorta see how I fit in." Not that the girl lets the rest pass without comment. "No, not a game. But before you impress, you couldnt' possibly understand that. My life is his now. There isn't a thing I can do that isn't imbedded in knowing he is there and always will be. I'm not Kay at all. And I am. I'm so glad you ride, mum. I feel sorry for the ones that came from holds and halls and haven't got a you in their life." "Your life is yours *and* his." It's half confirmation, half gentle correction. "And his is his own and yours. You're Kaylira, and Pheirth, and Kaylira-and-Pheirth all three, between you; 'tis as you say, you're yourself and you're nay. In a sense, I haven't been Kassima for more Turns than you've been alive... and yet I'm so much *more* Kassima than I ever was a'fore Lysseth found me." Kassi tightens her arm, hugging Kay against her for just a moment. "Oh, kit. You're going t'make me tear up in a second--*I'm* glad that I ride too, though, and I feel sorry for those parents who can't understand their children now. I hope for everyone's sake that they all try their best. And speaking of parents...." It takes her a pause. "Y'know, 'tis funny; I've written down the entire story of how you came t'be, pretty much. But 'tisn't for your eyes until I've gone, so you'll have t'do with a verbal version... what T'lar was like." Deep breath. Thought. "Well, he was a good man--a loving weyrmate t'Meli, a loving father t'all three of you his children, but that part you know. He could be a brash man. A bit of an arrogant man. A lady's man. A bronzerider's bronzerider. A loyal friend, self-sacrificing and devoted; a fierce fighter, but too impulsive t'be a leader, and as for what I liked--mayhaps I should begin earlier; I never told you about our meeting or aught?" Kaylira smiles, a thing felt more than seen. "Nay. And even if you had, I'd ask again. Its a night for sharing.." Her voice carries deep threads of foindness, echoed in the soft answering croon of her lifemate, the brown stirring long enough to make his presence known before slumbering again. "Yes," she says, against Kassi's cheek, giving a quick kiss of thanks, "More. Like a part was missing until you were found." Kassima laughs low in her throat. "Indeed 'tis so, even if'n 'twasn't stories I thought I'd be sharing so much as receiving--but I'm pleased t'share them, as aught else." Lysseth adds a soft draconic sigh to the collection of sounds, content and half-asleep. "Like you were never whole, but didn't know," she agrees, grinning and turning her head long enough to return that kiss at Kay's temple. "Or as if'n life were black and white a'fore, but now is all in color. Quite. Now, let's see... 'twas thirteen when I met your Da, and nay a rider," she begins, voice sliding into reminiscent registers. "Just out of the Holding, i'truth, and he was Taylar then. Dyinath was rising--you remember, she's Lysseth's dam? 'Twas the flight that would produce Lyss, though I didn't know, and Taylar was a resident at Benden. I don't think we spoke much... 'twas too busy gaping at dragons, m'self. But then one of the riders staggered out of the Guest Weyr sick. R'val needed people t'help get him into the Infirmary, and there were Taylar and I, so we got recruited; we met over an fevered bronzerider. How's that for romance?" Kaylira laughs, "As good as any romance I could tell. Maybe I should post myself outside hte infirmary?" Kassima snorts with quiet amusement and gives Kay's side a nudge. "I'd hope for something better if'n 'twere you, m'dear! Anyway, we never were really *romantic*...." She adds a bit hesitantly after that trail-off, "I do think mayhaps he had interest in that direction, originally. But 'twas all of fourteen and I'd nay real experience with being flirted with, y'know? So 'twas skittish-shy--this is once 'twas Searched t'Benden, I should say. He'd been Searched too. So Meli, who was rather less timid, attracted and held his interest in the long run... he called me his best friend, though, the night he learned about you." Kaylira sighs at that. "Thats something. I'm glad, mum. Even if it wasn't some great romance. Or even if he didn't chose you. You must have been something special for him to say that." Notes of pride colour her voice. "I don't know if I'll be so lucky. My luck with men hasn't exactly lived up to my luck at other things." The girl tries to make a joke of it, but somewhere it falls flat. "I fear 'twasn't. The romances in m'life--such as they were--were both more with the fathers of your younger sibs, I fear." Which doesn't keep Kassi from smiling at the memory. "I don't know about special... but he was a fine man, a fine clutchmate, and always very good t'me and t'you. He was there when 'twere born, and he always loved you very much--his firstborn as well as mine, if'n only by a breath." What else she might or could say about him is left for later. Now, she gives the shoulder nearest her hand a quick shake. "Kay. Now you listen; you are young yet, and you've *had* luck with men, more'n mayhaps you know. Wasn't P'tod interested in you? And F'lone was pursuing you like a spoiled Blooded girl pursues jewelry. You have the attraction. If'n you haven't met a man who'll be yours t'stay with, then wait and you may. Or you might find you'd rather nay settle on one but dally with many," even if she can't sound entirely comfortable with that notion. "Or any number of fates could happen yet." Kaylira is shaken easily, though the girl does eventually lift her hand to hold against her mother's. "He's still that way, in some respects.. was here just before you in fact." Can't be P'tod she's talking about, could it? "And, P'tod, he hasn't shown any interest since.. well, long enough now that I doubt he'll pursue it even when he can. I don't know. I try hard not to worry about it. But some days I wonder if somethign /is/ wrong with me. I'm past 20 turns, mum. Thats not being a late bloomer, thats like like blooming at all." Kassima turns her hand as much as she can to attempt to find, and squeeze, her daughter's. "F'lone?" she hazards, surprised. "I'truth? *Still*? Ramoth's gilded kidneys tied to a rope, but you have t'give the boy credit for *persistance*; though I've heard tell he's still pursuing Tali as avidly." Nahhh, she doesn't sound disgusted at *all*. "As for P'tod, he *is* your Weyrlingmaster, kit. While you were a Candidate and now a Weyrling, 'twasn't remotely appropriate. It might change when you graduate, or it might nay; or a flight could happen, and you both lose, and things get settled that way." So to speak. She has to put effort into making her tone blithe when talking about her daughter's sex life, for some strange reason. "I do nay for a moment think aught's wrong with you. Do I wish you'd found someone t'romance by now? If'n 'twould make you happy, aye--but 'twas Turns your senior a'fore 'twas ever with a man outside of flights, and I'd been a rider for quite some time by then. I didn't have a steady lover until 'twas nearly thirty. But I did have one." And if there's a bit of regret to that admission, well.... "So I'd hardly call you a dried-up old maid at *twenty*, daughter mine." Kaylira lifts her mother's fingers to her lips before letting them go. "Nassa's weyrmated. More than half the weyrling class sounds like they've got more experience than me, and the ones that don't /are/ just kidlets. I'm not that anxious, but I can't help but think about it. And, yes, F'lone is still trying. He's different and the same. First time he came to visit, I nearly shamed myself acting like a ninny." Her tones turn ruefull at that. "Shameful. And I don't know how much is me wanting to figure out where I am in all this and how much is me wanting him. Or P'tod.. or.." More than passing interest follows the Weyrling Master's name. And hints of unresolved promise lie in the final or. "Part of me /is/ ready. Only the people who seem interested aren't maybe the right people for this time." "If'n naught else, a flight will resolve things sooner or later... but I hope later," Kassi confesses, tilting her head so that it rests against Kay's. "That isn't the first time I'd wish for, for you. Well... Kay, 'twill tell you honest and straight, I don't approve of F'lone's suit. Methinks you can do better." She can be blunt when it suits her. "But--*but*--if'n you want him, then you want him. You'll be a grown woman when you graduate, and your decisions are yours t'make. Just be aware that if'n he does aught t'hurt you, he *will* lose relevant pieces." She's kidding. Right? She has to be kidding. Exaggerating, at the least. Maybe. "You're a wise lass--wise woman--if'n you realize that. You'll have t'make your own choices, kit. And they may be the wrong ones, but that's how we learn, truth be told." Kaylira laughs, because she can. Even through doubts and fears and trials, she's still enough of who she is that laughter becomes her. "I'd rather not make more wrong choices than I need to. Nassa thinks P'tod is a good choice for a first time. Says he's got experience enough to know the right things to do and not have to make a mess of things. He comes with so much - everything else. And truth, mum? I could fall for him so easily. F'lone isn't without his charm. Only I've seen how far he can go and it scares me. I know he's not my heart. Theid didn't deal well with not impressing.. I'm sure something will come of all of this. I'm trying hard not to over think. I'm just glad you're here and we can talk about this stuff. Makes me feel like when I was just a little and you started teaching about how to hold a knife, or make a fist so we didn't break our thumbs." Kassima chuckles, one of those low, warm, affectionate sounds that only her dragon and her children generally hear. "'Tis a mother's job t'teach all the *important* things in life. I hope you know that if'n you ever need t'talk, you can send me word--I can't promise t'come right that minute unless 'tis some sharding horrendous emergency; duty and all that. But *'twill* come when I can. You'll always be m'daughter, and I'll always be there for you as much as I'm able, whether you live at Telgar or Ista or on the moons." Following this sentiment, she seems a bit sheepish, perhaps at her own drama. "Welladay... Kay, m'heart, I know I just said your decisions are yours t'make. And they are. But... if'n 'twere me, if'n 'twere me, I'd do all I could t'avoid falling for a man whose heart will never belong t'you. I've done that. It bites. And he's weyrmated, bound t'Fluria by love and honor both I'd presume, and it might be better nay t'interfere with that. As far as sleeping with him goes," and yes, she colors faintly even at that mild mention, "that's one thing, but love's another and more dangerous beast. What I'd guess you have t'watch for with F'lone is *his* mistaking sex for love. I don't know if'n, if'n you were with him even once, he'd ever let you alone again." Kaylira answers back, softly, "I know. And I'm more loathe to do that to him than myself. Maybe in both cases. " A wry grin marks her features. "I think I have too much of you in me sometimes. Enough romance to want something more, but enough sense to settle for less." Changing the subject, she prods, "Didn't you say there were gifts?" "Another sign that you're an adult, kit." Kassi mirrors that grin, hers less wry than genuinely amused. "'Too much' of me? Now how," she teases, "could that be possible? The sense, methinks, you may just get from your father instead. He could occasionally be a pragmatic man." At the prodding, she doesn't quite jump, but does straighten abruptly: "Oh, aye! From your sibs, and from me--unless you'd rather I leave them for another time?" Yes, she's teasing again. [Editor's Note: Kay's player had to run at this point, so the scene ended here; ICly, it can be assumed that Kassi gave Kay her gifts and they chatted a bit longer before Kassi had to head home.]